It's a terrible thing to admit but although I say Michael's feeling really antisocial and doesn't want any visitors yet, I'm feeling a little bit the same. It's wonderful that so many people are being so amazingly caring and always enquiring about Michael, myself and the kids and I am so so grateful. The trouble is, I'm am so tired, physically and emotionally, that when I'm not with Michael or the kids, I just want to hibernate. Also, when I am home with the kids, I want to be with them and not yapping on the phone. I know they don't need me to play with them all evening but I don't want them to feel that I'm in the house but not really with them. So excuse me if I don't always answer the phone. I have been trying to catch up with phone calls whilst I'm in the car (handsfree) but the reception's not always fantastic.
So this morning, before I set off, I took the little patient for a quick walk round the block, hoping not to see anyone and get into a lengthy conversation. My morning is timed perfectly and Waffle is only given 5 mins, so if I get delayed, my routine is ruined. No one around this morning! This evening though, took Waffle on his longer walk - it's actually very therapeutic, especially as the weather is still so mild. I cannot tell you how many people I bumped into. Every 10 paces there was someone else I knew - so much for being antisocial!!
When I left Michael this afternoon, he was quite low again. As much as I tell him he's doing really well and it's only been just over two weeks since the op, he's just finding the whole experience really tough. The constant feeling of sickness is hard to deal with. He said if he hadn't already been suffering with that for over 18 months, maybe he could cope better. In fact, he has spoken to one of the Doctors today about taking him of one of the antibiotics as sickness is one of the side effects. When I left they were looking into an alternative. On the subject of the dreaded bug, it is still in his system (the blood cultures have grown something!) and they are not quite sure why. The xray today was to see if there was anything else floating around his system which could be a source of the infection - but nothing showed up. My understanding is that if they can find the source, they will know exactly how to treat it rather than using the 3 'general' antibiotics that he's now taking (I thing that's right - maybe I'll understand it differently tomorrow). So meanwhile, he's still getting the temperature spikes and cold blasts. I took up his fleece blanket today which is obviously much thicker than the hospital blankets. They are also giving him a ultra sound on his neck where the main line went in - there could perhaps be a clot there hiding which again could be the source. Can't understand that as he already had an ultrasound there last week when he already had the infection, but what do I know. I did ask whether there could perhaps then be a clot where his Hickman line was. They said that could be a possibility but didn't mention about giving that area an ultrasound.
As awful as Michael feels, we did manage two walks up the corridor today. I think he had one chocolate button and did manage to drink nearly a whole glass of lemon barley. Tomorrow is ice-pop day as they should now be frozen!
I'm staying in Oxford tomorrow night, just to give me one day off of driving both directions. Kids all sorted - happy enough I think (unfortunately, even if they're not, I'm still staying!). Up until an hour ago, I completely forgot about the dog but he's going to his girlfriend now(one of his many!!).
Night xx
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