I can't believe we're still here, waiting. As the days move on, it's getting harder and harder. Every night I go to bed thinking 'tonight's the night'. Last night, before I nodded off, I was mentally preparing how we'd sort the kids out for today - would Nathan still be able to go to horseriding; who would take Lauren to her rehearsals in Hemel; would Aaron be grumpy if we told him he'd have to walk to Chedar? Meanwhile, here I am, having taken Nathan to the stables, having a nice quiet breakfast. Normally, I would have taken Waffle for a long walk through the fields, but our middle age dog is not too good at the moment. He's been on anti-inflammatory pills as the Vet things he has a problem with his cruciate ligament. Yesterday he started constantly limping and not really able to walk. Most of the time he holds his back leg in the air (guess from the pain!) Aaron had to take him into the garden and kept leaving him by certain trees in the hope he'd pee. Thankfully he did - not sure I'd cope at the moment with a wet kitchen floor in the morning (or any time for that matter). So, tomorrow it's off to the vet, again. Think this time they're going to have to sedate him to do an xray. Really need this at the moment.
Talking of sedation, the kids and I had to have flu jabs. Ordinarily we would obviously not be on the list, but because of Michael and the risk of infections, we have to be covered as well. We were all extremely brave for the 1 second scratch and were in and out of the nurses room in a flash, all except my daughter!!! We played it all very low key - I told her in the morning and showed her on her arm what sort of feeling she would get (you know - slightly squeezed my nail on her arm). She was fine and happily sat in the waiting room while we all went before her. The three of us went in separately and all came out smiling - no screaming or gushing blood out of our arms, and then it was Lauren's turn. I took her in and before we even got to the nurse she was creating. She sat on my lap but would not sit still, repeating 'I don't want to - I don't want to'. Then the tears started. Keeping it calm I explained it wouldn't hurt, and after a couple of mins of this, I would have been happy to hold her tightly so that the nurse could do the necessary. Unfortunately, the nurse was concerned Lauren's arm would move and she'd get scratched. I then called for back-up and Michael came in. At this point, I think all the patients waiting thought they'd joined the wrong queue and that this was in fact not just a flu jab they were getting. One screaming child, and a mother asking for 'backup'. I tried blackmail - 'if you don't have the jab, you can't live at home when Daddy comes back from hopsital'. That didn't work - no suprise there. At this point, although very calm, I could see the nurse just wanted to get us out the room - she had a queue of people and the time Lauren spent she most probably could have innoculated 5 more people. The nurse explained that it wasn't painful and I backed it up that Mummy's anger would be more painful!!! Thankfully, she managed to get in done - not sure quite how, and it was so very quick that Lauren didn't really noticed!! When we came out, it was quite funny to see everyone in the waiting room - the poor boys couldn't wait to get out having had to sit there listening to everybody's comments during Lauren's tantrum. Having realised how painless it actually was, Lauren was a little sheepish for the rest of the morning. Meanwhile, she did complain all afternoon that her arm was very achy - argghhhhhh!!!!!
So today's another day. All very quiet - Nathan out and all the others still in bed. Sometimes feels like the calm before the storm. Normally I'd say the calm is great but I really want the storm so that we can at least get things moving - I know it's going to be tough - harder that any of us can imagine but it really is dragging and this constant waiting is mentally exhausting. Constantly living each day, not knowing whether the plans you've made (really nothing exciting) can happen. Stupid things like I need to do a bit of shopping today - how much should I buy - what if we get the call today? Meant to be going to the cinema with Aaron tonight - I haven't actually told him (it's the 25th Anniversary of Phantom - he's never seen the stage show and it's being broadcast live at the cinema) as he'd be more upset knowing he was going and then we had to cancel. It really is living each day as it comes which would be fine if it was just Michael and I but with kids it's just so difficult juggling everything and ensuring that life is fairly 'normal'. I mean if we get the call today/tonight, really should organise for someone to deal with Waffle and the vet - I know it's stupid but it needs to be done. Should I pay the bills today? / need to look for a new gas/electricity deal, not that ours expires until the end of the month / my car needs a service and MOT shortly, shall I wait or just do it early? Pathetic I know but this it how our lives seem to be.
The sun shining does though make things all seem a bit better, although that brings it's own problems. My bag is packed, but have I packed the correct clothes? The weather is meant to change on Tuesday - will I be too warm, too cold in what I've taken? Think I better recheck. It most probably sounds so ridiculous, as I'll only be in Oxford (not exactly away from civilisation) but in my mind I know I want to be there at least until Michael comes out of ICU so I need to pack enough stuff. Guess if I look a mess, Michael's really not going to care :)
Well my peace and quite is over - Aaron's down for breakfast - being his usual quiet self, but Michael's here clearing up my breakfast things and clanking around. What would I do without my Aupair!!!
xx
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