I must apologise if this blog is slightly (or may extremely) incoherent. It's been a busy week (not just driving back and forth to Oxford) and I'm beyond tired. Seem to be dragging myself through the days at the moment with very little energy for anything much. Having looked forward to bed every evening for the last few weeks, that's not even particularly inviting now as I know I don't have enough hours there. Guess I'm wallowing in a bit of self pity at the moment - although not really sure I have enough energy for that either!!
As lovely as it was this morning to wake up to a bright and sunny (if not cold) day, it just put me in a worse mood as it showed up how dusty the house really is. Seemed to be keeping up with everything until last week and now I'm just on a constant go slow. Now know how I'll be spending the majority of the day tomorrow.
Usual visit to Michael today. Did have a moment (well actually it was quite a few hours last night) when I thought I'd give today a miss. Two weeks ago I thought it was going to be our last weekend visit and here we are now still going. Felt guilty though when he texted to ask what time we'd be there. What else would we have to do? So off we trotted...... again.
I don't believe that Thursday's biopsy results came through yesterday but the latest bloods show Michael is building up antibodies to the new organ. Michael did explain it to me in a little more detail but I have to admit (as terrible as it sounds) that I sort of switched off, thinking 'something else to add to the list'. He'll start a new drug on Monday to counteract this - not sure how long til it works or whether it's an ongoing thing. Sure I'll find out more (when I listen properly!) on Monday when we see the Doctors. They did give him the option to come home for a day at the weekend but neither of us could really see any benefit. And to be honest, the hospital was so quiet today - it's not like we were interrupted at any stage by anyone. Didn't see his nurse the whole afternoon (thankfully it's not like he needs anything apart from drug time). We went for a short walk (inside) and then chilled for a bit at the little League of Friends Coffee Shop - only us as it was closed!! But nicer than spending the entire afternoon in the room.
Problem with Michael having been 'institutionalized' for so long is that he's forgotten what life at home is like. We eventually got home, I sorted the mess that seems to always be there, delivered 1 child to party, made dinner, cleared up, etc, etc, and then received a text from darling husband to ask what I thought of Strictly. Well, did I tell him what I thought - reminded him that our slave was away for the weekend so I hadn't actually sat on my bum since leaving him (apart from in the car). Think he got the message!! That's just what my life feels like at the moment - non-stop, without any time to think :(
Like to think Michael will be home this week but what's the point of getting my hopes up. So much for him having time at home before the kids break up. I've resigned myself to the fact that he'll be home..... whenever. Meanwhile, I'll keep on trekking back and forth like a yo-yo (not one of those lovely glossy ones but a dull, tired looking one, where the string's a little worn).
Good night - I know I'll sleep tight but just not for long enough xx
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